Cliché porn pillowtalk = deal breaker...

I’ve had a strictly platonic lover for a few years now.  I should probably rewind a bit and mention my obsession at a certain point with dirty chat sessions with folks I was meeting online. Seriously, it was bad there for a while…at least 4 or 5 nights a week into the WEE hours, talking about all kinds of kinky shit, exchanging naughty bedtime stories, etc, etc. Enter my soon to be on again off again lovah. We chatted for a quite awhile before I finally decided to throw caution to the wind and hoped he looked better in person than his pic online. There is precedence for this. Because I am not a completely superficial asshole, I give everyone some consideration especially when their mere words can give me an orgasm. I repeat, words = orgasm. I had to meet this dude at some point.

We met up in the prime "it's definitely all about sex" hours at a bar near my place. I’ve never sucked down a beer that fast; the chemistry between us was instant. I found him charming, adorable and MUCH more interesting and attractive in person.  We couldn’t keep our paws off of each other from the minute we got to my place. He actually picked me up and put me on the kitchen counter. ME-FUCKING-OW! AND he gave me an awesome massage after. Yep.  Good. Times.

Okay so let’s fast forward to our most recent hook-up. Admittedly, I was feeling a little down from my last breakup so ya know, what else was I going to do?  While this girl definitely appreciates dirty talk (see the aforementioned addiction to dirty chat), there’s a difference between spontaneous burst of naughty talk…and reciting lines verbatim from porn.   While I haven’t spent the better half of my life watching porn like the average male, I’ve a healthy enough appetite to be familiar enough to know the standard lines.  I don’t remember this guy ever saying half of this stuff before but at one point I actually rolled my eyes and thought about my paper-thin walls and what my poor neighbor must be hearing. Is expecting a little creativity with my dirty talk unreasonable? Maybe the whole point is to sound like you’re making amateur porn? I'm over thinking it, aren't I?

UPDATE: Our latest romp resulted in multiple orgasms. So yeah. Maybe I was over thinking it. Just a little.