She Who Goes On Hiatus...

For the sake of my fragile ego and sanity, She Who Dates needs to take little a break. I need to focus my energy in other areas for a bit. At last count I've contacted nearly 30 people and gone on one date and attempted to go on a few others. The quest shall continue at some point in the near future but in the
meantime I need to grapple with a few "Meaning of Life" type questions. I need to get back to feeling truly joyful, happy and grateful. I will return to you internet, I promise. So goodbye for now, Bisous Bisous!

Cliché porn pillowtalk = deal breaker...

I’ve had a strictly platonic lover for a few years now.  I should probably rewind a bit and mention my obsession at a certain point with dirty chat sessions with folks I was meeting online. Seriously, it was bad there for a while…at least 4 or 5 nights a week into the WEE hours, talking about all kinds of kinky shit, exchanging naughty bedtime stories, etc, etc. Enter my soon to be on again off again lovah. We chatted for a quite awhile before I finally decided to throw caution to the wind and hoped he looked better in person than his pic online. There is precedence for this. Because I am not a completely superficial asshole, I give everyone some consideration especially when their mere words can give me an orgasm. I repeat, words = orgasm. I had to meet this dude at some point.

We met up in the prime "it's definitely all about sex" hours at a bar near my place. I’ve never sucked down a beer that fast; the chemistry between us was instant. I found him charming, adorable and MUCH more interesting and attractive in person.  We couldn’t keep our paws off of each other from the minute we got to my place. He actually picked me up and put me on the kitchen counter. ME-FUCKING-OW! AND he gave me an awesome massage after. Yep.  Good. Times.

Okay so let’s fast forward to our most recent hook-up. Admittedly, I was feeling a little down from my last breakup so ya know, what else was I going to do?  While this girl definitely appreciates dirty talk (see the aforementioned addiction to dirty chat), there’s a difference between spontaneous burst of naughty talk…and reciting lines verbatim from porn.   While I haven’t spent the better half of my life watching porn like the average male, I’ve a healthy enough appetite to be familiar enough to know the standard lines.  I don’t remember this guy ever saying half of this stuff before but at one point I actually rolled my eyes and thought about my paper-thin walls and what my poor neighbor must be hearing. Is expecting a little creativity with my dirty talk unreasonable? Maybe the whole point is to sound like you’re making amateur porn? I'm over thinking it, aren't I?

UPDATE: Our latest romp resulted in multiple orgasms. So yeah. Maybe I was over thinking it. Just a little.

It's either I laugh or I cry...

I thought it was about time I shared a little bit of what's been going on thus far with my extreme dating experiment. Within hours of my first post someone contacted me who definitely had potential; delightfully quirky potential. We exchanged a few very lengthy messages and while I didn't exactly pour my heart out to this guy, I actually answered questions like: Tell me about your fears? What's your favorite time of day? In my experience this is not your standard get-to-know-you material. There were some cute, flirty comments that actually made me blush. I did mention I can be a giddy girl at times, right? Yeah, just messaging this dude got me all worked up. Obviously, you can never really know until you meet someone in real life, but he seemed genuinely sweet, a bit shy and kind of adorable. After about a week, I suggested we should get together. 

 Let’s pause for a moment for a word of advice for any online dating newbies out there. Some of you may be thinking: after only a week? Here’s the deal…if you feel a bit of chemistry with someone online, do meet sooner rather than later. Trust me on this one. An odd thing tends to happen when you communicate with someone over weeks or months solely online. You get lost in fantasy land. I'm not saying I do this or anything but you may start imagining things like making out in the park or laying around in bed having intense conversations into the wee hours. You turn this person into the perfect whatever is you want them to be. Unfortunately reality doesn’t always play out that way after you meet in real life. So yeah…get the actual meeting over and done with to lessen any prospective damage.

Alright I’ve digressed enough for one blog post, back to my tale. He seemed a bit nervous but made several comments including that he “really, really” wanted to meet me. We eventually settled on a day and then…he just disappeared. Literally, he deleted his online profile, right after sending me a message full of happy exclamation points and further reiterating his desire to meet.  I went online two hours later to respond and his profile was gone. Um. Okay. He’d given me his number in a previous message so I texted him. Hey, I said I was going to pursue the hell out of these folks, right? Honestly, it was shocking and I actually expected to hear something. Well, I got nothing folks. No text. Nothing. I find the whole situation a bit perplexing and strange. Seriously.  What the hell just happened?!?!  *DEEP BREATHS*

The most exciting thing about my pursuits to date has been that I finally get to refer to my spreadsheet! Here's the breakdown. I've messaged fourteen dudes since June and heard back from two. In one case he was polite enough about answering my questions but wasn't asking me any...so yeah...I realized pretty quickly he wasn't interested. The other person had quick matched me so I sent him a message and got a brief one line answer. Yep. Moving on.

 All this leads up to the fact that, She Who Dates needs some comic relief. Enter this gem of a Jezebel article, When Beer Goggles Aren’t Your Only Problem. Enjoy!

It's a big, scary internet out there...

Here's the weird thing about me and dating. I meet new people ALL the time in real life. In no one's estimation would I be considered a couch potato or shy. I can usually get folks laughing, or at the very least smiling, within about 2.1 seconds of meeting. Lest you think I am a complete egomaniac, I'm basing that statement on plenty of comments made by friends and strangers over the years...and you know...the facts. So I may have resisted online dating initially; equating it to that area at high school formals where everyone who doesn’t get asked to dance congregates. In the interest of full disclosure: I've only ever been to one formal but I've seen enough John Hughes films to get the general idea.

Yet, here I am on two popular dating sites...again. The difference this time around being that I am going to pursue the HELL out of other unsuspecting internet daters and say "yes" more than I am accustomed to. A few of my deal breakers in the past:

• Complete disregard for the English language including but not limited to horrendous grammar, spelling and using text speak in messages.
• Shirtless pics.
• Listing "Atlas Shrugged" as one of your favorite books and you are no longer in your twenties. Sorry, that's still a deal breaker. Non-negotiable I'm afraid.

Actually, I don’t have nearly as many deal breakers as I suspected.  I have made a few important decisions to further narrow down the prospects and focus damn it!

Important Decision #1

I will start messaging 2 - 3 people a week. This is perhaps the scariest decision. I am setting myself up for a lot of virtual rejection. But I think I can take it…um...right?

Important Decision #2

I am only going to contact/respond to folks who have at least a 90% match rating. Dating takes time and I do actually have a life; a life full of friends and much merry making. I need to have some way of keeping this project manageable and my other good times going.

Important Decision #3 

While this lovelorn girl is seeking to swoon all over the place, I can definitely handle casual sex with no strings attached. Not sure if I am going to be assertive about seeking this out, but please know that it is most certainly on the menu...and there may be future posts about those encounters.

Important Decision #4 

If someone indicates in their profile that they are seeking any one of the following: healthy, athletic, slim or any iteration thereof, I'm going to pass. While I know I'm a cute, physically active and fabulous girl, I definitely do not have an athletic build nor would I be considered slim. I am a relatively healthy eater but feel like often times this is code for skinny in online profiles.

Now that we've got the important decisions out of the way...DAMN this little experiment is turning out to be much easier talked about than implemented. I’m okay with ignoring my gut reaction to someone’s physical appearance. Things get a little tricky when I read profiles and my instincts tell me, this will never work. Pesky (typically reliable) instincts. However, the boys and girls are not beating down my virtual door so I need to figure my shit out and get to some actual dates!  On that note...I'm heading over to the dating sites to start messaging my little heart away!

In the meantime...

I'm currently recovering from post Comic Con delirium so it may take a bit for my next finely crafted post to arrive. I did want to share this delightfully nerdy tidbit with you. I am actually creating a spreadsheet to track the people I've messaged. Yep. I have a feeling this is going to morph into something much more...

And so we begin the beguine...

As is naturally befitting for such an undertaking, this blog was created in the wee hours…the end of the latest affair relatively fresh.

I’ve had this idea for quite some time but made plenty of excuses to not get started. I’m not giving myself a time limit or anything but how long should I go about this project? Initially, the plan was to go on dates with the next twenty people I met online but then selfish concern for my poor ego and self-esteem got the best of me. What if I can’t make it to twenty dates? Am I going to fuck myself up emotionally if I am unable to go on twenty dates? What if after twenty dates, I am not at least on the way to falling in love? How the hell did I come up with the number twenty?!? So yeah, let’s just leave the actual number open shall we? This project feels risky but the bottom line is that if I don’t try this I may very well be doomed (queue the music from the saddest film you have ever seen). I get comfortable being alone...which isn't entirely a bad thing I suppose. But I do have those moments where I think "Man this would be so much better if I was doing this with someone I love." I know that if I do not force myself to actively engage in dating and hold myself accountable (that's where you come in oh mighty followers), I will let another month or even year pass sans even a mediocre one-night stand. At this point, I’ll even settle for a little gratuitous groping.

Unless I feel like my safety is at issue, I've decided to go on dates with pretty much everyone who asks me out over the next few months. This may or may not include folks who send me messages using text speak. Your thoughts? I will also be forcing myself to *gasp* be the pursuer versus the pursuee...wait...I just made up a word, didn't I? So much for discriminating against text speak messagers :)

WHY on earth would someone do this? 1. Oprah/Dr. Phil mainstream dating advice almost never resonates with me. BIG YAWN. And 2. I get tired of hearing the following (or countless variations thereof): women are too picky, women aren't picky enough, women are never interested in "nice" guys, women set unrealistic expectations, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. Personally I don't think I fit into any of these categories so here I am...with an extremely open mind and somewhat open heart.

I am not looking for the white picket fence, house in the burbs and 2.5 kids or even necessarily marriage. Simply put, I am looking for a loving, committed relationship. I am not interested in being treated like a princess or put up on anyone's pedestal (I'm kind of scared of heights). That being said, you will be hard pressed to find a giddier girl when it comes to falling love…or coming close. I COMPLETELY LOSE MY SHIT. I make “OMG, I’m so happy” play lists with titles like “Yumminess!” Yep. I can’t even stand myself sometimes.

This here ain't no pity party by the way. I'm a cute and fairly confident girl with plenty to offer. I have a job I love in a city I love. I have an eclectic social circle and engage in plenty of merry making. In every other aspect of my life I feel pretty damn fulfilled. I am perhaps independent to a fault and often wonder if am a little too nonchalant about this whole finding love business. However, my most recent romantic entanglement convinced me that I am indeed ready and desire it. Now the question remains am I willing to work for it?